The Philadelphia Phillies declined their 2022 option on Andrew McCutchen’s contract.

So, naturally, a flurry of “reporting” launched that theorizes McCutchen’s path back to Pittsburgh. (Did you know McCutchen named his son “Steel”? WELCOME BACK, CUTCH!)

Forget it. That has no chance of happening.

It’s another example of the local stooge media propping up the Pirates as something besides what they are, a thief franchise that robs Pittsburgh blind. Accentuate the positive, even if it’s fiction.

If the Pirates are undertaking a legit rebuilding process, where does a 35-year-old outfielder figure in?

McCutchen hit 27 home runs and drove in 80 runs last season. A lot of his other stats weren’t great, but the Pirates would never pay what he can get elsewhere.

McCutchen made $20 million last season. The Pirates’ whole payroll was $50 million.

In the twilight of his career, and without a World Series ring, why would McCutchen sign with a team that lost 101 games in 2021, won’t do much better in 2022 and won’t peak (if ever) until after McCutchen retires?

Can you imagine the Pirates being the highest bidder for anyone? Can you imagine McCutchen giving a hometown discount? (HE STILL HAS A HOUSE HERE! HE’S COMING BACK!)

There is just no good reason for the Pirates to want McCutchen, or for McCutchen to want to return to the Pirates, or to even talk about it.

But that won’t stop the stooge media, or the Pirates.

The Pirates will undoubtedly “look into” signing McCutchen. Here’s betting the Pirates “almost” get him. (They can afford that.)

This will blow up like crazy until McCutchen signs somewhere else. But there’s a better chance John F. Kennedy Jr. is the new third-base coach. (It was Joey Cora’s fault they lost all those games.)

The Pirates should sign McCutchen, then trade him for prospects at the deadline. It’s all part of the rebuilding process. Wilmer Difo for life, yo.

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