Mark Madden: No chance Steelers lose to this catastrophic collection of Cowboys QBs

After defeating Cleveland, Tennessee and Baltimore — all likely playoff qualifiers — in consecutive weeks, the Steelers were due for a less challenging foe.

But they never imagined Sunday’s trip to Dallas would be an absolute lock.

Cowboys quarterback Dak Prescott broke his right ankle. Prescott’s backup was Andy Dalton. The Steelers were 13-3 against Dalton during his tenure at Cincinnati, winning the last seven.

It couldn’t be any easier, right? Wrong.

Dalton got concussed. Then he went into covid-19 protocol.

That seemed to mean Ben DiNucci would play QB against the Steelers. (It’s more fun if you say DiNucci’s name in Stephen A. Smith’s voice.)

DiNucci played last Sunday night when Dallas lost 23-9 at Philadelphia. The Cowboys scored no touchdowns. DiNucci completed 21 of 40 passes for 180 yards. He got sacked four times. His passer rating was a putrid 64.6. DiNucci was every bit as bad as his numbers, maybe worse.

DiNucci is from Pine-Richland High School. He got beat out at Pitt by Kenny Pickett, not exactly foreshadowing a great professional future.

That horrific showing against the Eagles made the Cowboys sour on DiNucci.

So Sunday’s game got even easier for the Steelers.

The Cowboys will give Cooper Rush and Garrett Gilbert the practice reps at QB this week. You couldn’t pick either out of a police lineup. Whoever stinks least starts against the Steelers.

Rush and Gilbert have played in 11 NFL games between them, completing 3 of 9 passes for 42 yards. Forty of those yards came on one pass by Gilbert.

The Steelers will now know what it’s like to play against Devlin Hodges. Either one of those jabroni quarterbacks will be a sitting duck. SITTING “DUCK,” GEDDIT? HAW, HAW, HAW!

That’s no knock on Hodges. He’ll be a fine gym teacher someday. If the Steelers wanted this game to be fair, Hodges would start.

The Steelers could be confused about which quarterback to prepare for, except there’s really no need to prepare at all. Just study video of that 40-yard heave by Gilbert. Don’t let it happen again.

Don’t feel bad for DiNucci. He did get a quick hook given the alternatives, but his Yinzer accent wouldn’t have saved him. DiNucci got yanked from the cockpit before the plane crashed.

Like DiNucci, Dallas coach Mike McCarthy is a Pittsburgh guy (Greenfield, specifically). Maybe McCarthy is trying to save his homeboy pain, suffering and embarrassment.

Dallas hasn’t once had its five best offensive linemen on the field at the same time this season: Because of injury, the Cowboys are using two third-stringers and a second-stringer.

McCarthy is in his first year as Cowboys coach but doesn’t deserve all the heat he has absorbed. Anything that can go wrong has, and he is saddled with an amateur-hour GM who can’t get fired because he owns the team.

This is an absolute lock. The Steelers can’t lose. We won’t have to wait several days to know the result. It should be apparent by the middle of the second quarter, and it will be a landslide.

Pittsburgh is favored by 13½. The Steelers will cover that, and perhaps then some. Not even being on the road for a third straight game generates legit concern.

This might feel like a trap game. It’s not. The Cowboys are putrid. These Steelers are different. These Steelers are 6-1 against the spread, the NFL’s best mark. These Steelers find a way to win. By now, it’s a habit.

It won’t get difficult again till Baltimore comes to Heinz Field on Thanksgiving, though the ascendance of rookie quarterback Joe Burrow might make Cincinnati’s visit Nov. 15 interesting. It’s easy to see the Steelers beating the Cowboys, Bengals and Jacksonville to reach 10-0.

Do the Steelers look like a 10-0 team? Do they feel like a 10-0 team? They sure weren’t expected to be a 10-0 team, or even a 7-0 team.

It doesn’t matter. You are what your record says you are, especially this far into the season.