Lori Falce: What's in your stocking?

The question of Christmas stockings has been quite the topic on social media lately.

They have become more than just big, fake socks that hang over the fireplace, or from the railing by the stairs, or are placed artfully by the tree. For some, they have become a symbol of the inequality of making the holidays sparkle.

What? How can a foot-shaped bag become that big a deal? It’s just a thing that “Santa” fills with bits and pieces of fun little presents, right? Candy canes. A few mini Lego kits. A little stuffed animal. Perhaps, ironically, more socks. Dad might get razors or a bottle of hot sauce. And Mom…

Ah. That’s the problem.

Does Mom get a stocking? Is it just an empty placeholder hanging next to the bulging others, important for the symmetry of pictures but something no one thought to fill? Or if it does have candy and small items, were they things she just picked up herself to make sure the magic was kept alive?

In some houses, Dad might pick up that slack. If so, good on him. But the TikTok videos about Mom’s stockings aren’t really about women wanting Santa to fill a wish list. It is more of a last straw in the ongoing battle of unequal division of labor in the home.

Gallup polls show that women pull more of the household load when it comes to everything from home decision-making, laundry and cleaning, cooking and groceries, child care and even bill-paying. Men top out at only two areas: automotive and yard work.

The holidays are a whole new level of responsibility, decision-­making, planning, budgeting and logistics. Whose house? Whose gifts? How much to spend? When will the presents arrive? What are we cooking? And for many moms, there is the ever-present pressure to create picture-perfect memories.

One might say, share the load. Don’t take on all the responsibility. But that’s asking a mom to take the chance Christmas might be less than it should for her kids. Blaming dads is simple, but we have to recognize that men emulate the behavior they see. If their dads didn’t “do” Christmas, how do they learn?

We can all be honest about demands and realistic about expectations. We can all learn to communicate better about what we can and can’t do. And we can make sure that as our children get older, they learn not just to expect the magic but also to help create it with eyes wide open.

My mother’s family is Austrian. For us, St. Nicholas Day is a big part of our holiday season. Every year, we put our shoes out and St. Nick brings treats and small gifts. This year, my son realized that my shoes weren’t being filled anymore since his father died. I woke up to fresh, homemade cookies and a very teenage boy gift of an action-figure from my favorite TV show. I suspect he has plans for my stocking, as well.

I am delighted by this. It isn’t because I want him to do the work. It isn’t that I want him spending his money on me. (Let’s be honest: It’s my money.) But I am thrilled that he saw a job that wasn’t being done and a way to express his love and empathy and took action.

Moms and dads alike owe kids the ultimate gift of magic — when they learn how fulfilling it is to give to others.