Lori Falce: None of us are marked safe from shootings like Kansas City

My friend Caroline lives in Kansas City.

She was excited leading up to the Super Bowl. She has three boys and a husband, and she’s an enthusiastic supporter of her community, so a giant football event with her crowd on the national stage was right up her alley. Throw in a little Taylor Swift and a halftime show, and her little performing arts heart was full. And that was even before they won.

I knew when I heard about the championship rally Wednesday that there was a good chance Caroline and company would be there.

When the news alerts started to come about the shooting, Caroline was my first thought.

“Hey, do we know if Caroline’s OK?” I asked our group chat.

A quick check of social media showed the kids getting candy at the rally. They were there.

One designated texter sent a message so she wasn’t deluged in a storm of pings. An answer came back in two long minutes. They were scared, but they weren’t hurt. You could practically hear all of us in the group chat let out the breath we had each been holding.

The worst part is obviously that someone died, that several were hospitalized and many were hurt. None of this should happen anywhere, ever. It definitely shouldn’t happen at a joyous community event.

But right behind it is how common it has become. Caroline is not the first friend who I have had to locate in the moments after a breaking news alert.

I have close friends in the gay community in Orlando, and the Pulse nightclub shooting in 2016 almost paralyzed me with fear. In 2019, I was terrified about cooking contest friends during the Gilroy Garlic Festival shooting in California. I have family in the Dayton area.

In my widespread net of family and friends, there almost always is someone I want to locate when these things ping my radar. And that’s not even touching on the Pittsburgh synagogue shooting in our backyard.

And I am not special. Not at all. Facebook has even provided a handy feature to check-in from an area affected by a tragedy as a shortcut to let everyone who loves you know you are OK.

The state of panic that grips us when these events occur is a kind of reverse fight-or-flight response. It sends us flying — not away from danger, but toward the devices that can give us reassurance.

Why can’t we get the reassurance of action? When Hurricane Katrina hit, there were questions about what went wrong. What about the levees? What do we have to do to help prevent the flooding in the future? When earthquakes happen, we don’t shrug and say “shaking happens.” We mandate better building codes in affected areas.

But with guns, there is a storm of pings as everyone has something to say. We are drowned in thoughts and prayers. There is never a levee built to stem the tide.

I know Caroline is OK today. I don’t know who I will be checking on tomorrow. And I am terrified of the day when someone I love will not be marked safe.

Editor’s note: This column was updated to correct the date of the shooting.