Lori Falce: Blaming moms for screen time

Screen time can be the measure of a good parent.

At least, that is what you might think if you spend much time on parenting websites.

Screen time — the amount of time your child spends with evil modern devices like cellphones and tablets and video games and sometimes even television — can be treated like a gateway drug. Admit you don’t limit screen time and you might as well say you pour your toddler shots of whiskey. The judgment can be palpable and harsh.

“We don’t allow screens at all for the littles,” one friend told me. “The big kids can use them for an hour but only on weekends.”

I wish I could say my kid only spent an hour a week on a device. I can’t. To be honest, it’s not even just an hour a day. I shudder to actually time it and see what his numbers are because I’m already regularly told I am failing him by letting him play Fortnite and Minecraft.

For years, experts have tsked at parents that allow screen time. The American Academy of Pediatrics urges no screens for kids under 2 years old, and just an hour a day for those 2 to 5 years old. The American Medical Association said there needs to be better balance between screens and physical activity.

But now two studies published in JAMA don’t just blame screens. They blame moms.

One found that about 80% to 95% of preschoolers exceed recommended time limits, and that the kids most likely were the ones who had moms that used screens, too. The second study took a deep dive on how kids picked up the habit, coming back with a matrix of siblings, household income, education level and, yes, moms with cellphones.

I’ll own it. My kid uses screens because I’m only one person. When I go home, I check my mail and send text messages to my sisters and play Sudoku and chat with friends. It’s true. My son learned screen time at my feet.

But it’s ludicrous to expect me to cut him off. He files his homework online, and checks his teachers’ lesson plans on Google Classroom. We monitor his grades on PowerSchool. He keeps in touch with friends from his old school when he plays games with them. He FaceTimes with out-of-town family.

None of that is anything I want to cut out.

Instead I will settle for being involved in his screen time — knowing what he is doing and with whom. It’s not perfect, but I’m not a perfect parent. Blame my mom. She bought me my first video games.