Leanne Jacobs-Rohan knows she will go to a corner and sob — it’s what she’s done the past nine years each April 24 and Oct. 15.

April 24 is the date her son Hazen died.

Oct. 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.

“I grieve every day, but those two days are heavier grief days,” said Jacobs-Rohan of Oakmont. “I just like to go off by myself. And everyone there gives me the space I need.”

The space she is referring to is Light and Unite, an annual event created by Pittsburgh Bereavement Doulas. It’s an organization that provides trained, compassionate bereavement doulas to assist families experiencing pregnancy loss and stillbirth. Funded by grants and donations, families never receive a bill for services.

Pittsburgh Bereavement Doulas has hosted Light and Unite since 2018, with the exception of 2020 because of the pandemic. The event brings bereaved families together for a candle-lighting remembrance ceremony.

Jacobs-Rohan has attended all four events in memory of Hazen.

She said the tears will begin flowing the minute she drives into Allegheny RiverTrail Park in Aspinwall on Oct. 15 for the fifth annual Light and Unite from 5:30 to 8:30 p.m.

“There is so much heartache,” she said. “When I see other parents at this event, the first thing I say is, ‘I am sorry you are here.’ Every story is certainly different.”

Courtesy of Pittsburgh Bereavement Doulas Light and Unite gives bereaved families an opportunity to grieve for children lost during pregnancy or as infants. This year’s event is Oct. 15 at Allegheny RiverTrail Park in Aspinwall. Last year’s theme was the lotus flower, which represents purity, beauty and transcendence.  

Her story began in Massachusetts. She moved there for fertility treatments because its law states that health insurance has to cover them, though there were out-of-pocket costs.

Jacobs-Rohan sold her house and quit her job to make the move. She conceived Hazen on the 11th attempt through in vitro fertilization. She also has living sons, ages 8 and 5 — all created at the same moment, just born at different times.

Jacobs-Rohan often talks about Hazen with her two living sons.

At 14 weeks pregnant with Hazen, scans showed he was perfect, she said.

Then came a head-on car accident in which she was the passenger. Another driver crossed the double yellow line and hit them, she said.

“The airbags went off, and about an hour later my water broke, only I wasn’t certain that it did — it wasn’t like in the movies — it was only a small amount,” she said.

She went to two emergency rooms, where a heartbeat was detected.

The next day, her midwife relayed the same message: There was a heartbeat, Jacobs-Rohan said.

At an anatomy scan at 20 weeks, she was told he was still alive, but he would never grow lungs, Jacobs-Rohan said. “My options were to either be admitted into the hospital until I had a stillbirth or have an abortion,” she said.

She got a second opinion.

“After that, I scheduled the most humane thing to do: give my son a death with dignity — an abortion,” she said.

Hazen died at 22 weeks on April 24, 2014.

“I woke up from the procedure crying, ‘He’s gone,’ ” she said.

And Jacobs-Rohan sobbed in June 2022, when the U.S. Supreme Court ended the constitutional right to an abortion.

“There are women like me who need this medical procedure,” she said.

When parents learn that their unborn child has fetal anomalies or genetic disorders that are incompatible with life or the mother’s life is in danger, they are faced with some of the hardest decisions they will ever make, according to Pittsburgh Bereavement Doulas.

In Pennsylvania, a pregnancy loss before 16 weeks gestational age is considered a miscarriage. According to the March of Dimes, miscarriage occurs in about 10% to 20% of known pregnancies.

In Pennsylvania, a pregnancy loss after 16 weeks gestational age is considered a stillbirth.

Courtesy of Leanne Jacobs-Rohan Leanne Jacobs-Rohan (center) of Oakmont with her sons, ages 8 and 5.  

Heather Burke Bradley, founder and executive director of Pittsburgh Bereavement Doulas, said in addition to Light and Unite, the organization has started support groups in Murrysville, Greensburg, Mars and most recently East Liberty.

“I wanted a place for people to come and I want it to be parent-led so the other parents see someone who looks like them and have had the same life experience,” Bradley said.

Courtesy of Heather Burke Bradley Heather Burke Bradley, founder and executive director of Pittsburgh Bereavement Doulas, created this lantern for the fifth annual Light and Unite, scheduled for Oct. 15 at Allegheny RiverTrail Park in Aspinwall. The event remembers children lost during pregnancy or as infants.  

For Light and Unite, Bradley is expecting about 150 people. She is creating a lantern with each baby’s name. The baby’s family will receive the lantern to decorate. Kids will receive a mini-lantern to remember their sibling.

There will be food, crafts for kids and a basket raffle.

“It’s sad, but it is also a meaningful day for people,” said Bradley of O’Hara. “They all want to honor their children and keep their memory alive. These parents have a relationship with their child. They fell in love with this child.”

Talking to other parents helps, said Jacobs-Rohan, who moved back to Oakmont in 2018. Hearing her son’s name being spoken validates that he existed.

The evening of the event, she said, some doulas will come by to check on her.

“They will ask if I am OK,” she said. “Then they will let me do what I need to do, just cry.”

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