2020 stinks, Charlie Brown. No 'Great Pumpkin' on TV and other lame stuff to whine about

It might be the most 2020 thing yet. Word comes that “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” will not be airing this year on broadcast TV.

Nope. Not CBS. Not ABC. Not NBC.

Not even C-SPAN!

It’s the first time it’s happened since the special first aired in 1966 on CBS. So, why isn’t it on this year? Seems the Halloween classic has made the move to streaming — via AppleTV+.

Yep, according to a press release, the classic Peanuts gang’s move away from its seasonal broadcast spotlight is part of a partnership deal between Apple and WildBrain, Peanuts Worldwide and Lee Mendelson Film Productions.

Celebrate Halloween with the Peanuts gang. Stream "It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" exclusively on Apple TV+ and get ready for more Peanuts specials this holiday season. https://t.co/rq6TFCLS8L pic.twitter.com/DI14FsjR1l

— Apple TV (@AppleTV) October 19, 2020

So … cash grab.

Thanks a lot, Apple! You may have great phones and cool computers, but you have no holiday spirit.

Of course, complaining about no “Great Pumpkin” on broadcast TV seems a bit … well, OK not just a bit, a LOT like whining about nothing — in light of the TONS of legit horrible things that have happened in 2020. (so far)

But has that ever stopped anyone ever? Didn’t think so.

One of the ways we’re dealing with the fever dream that is this year is to pick out the more innocuous (perhaps a poor choice of words at this moment) things that have us complaining about life in 2020. Here’s a rundown:

The Death of Mr. Peanut

Planters kicked off 2020 in straight-up morbid fashion by killing off its longtime mascot — all in some good-natured humor.

AP

Mr. Peanut — in better days in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade — bit the big one in January.

We should have realized from the start this year wasn’t going to be a good one when one of the Super Bowl commercials revolved around a legume that plummets to his grizzly death.

As if that wasn’t 2020 enough, we got Baby Peanut in his place. Uh, not better.

Rampaging monkeys

In any other year, the phrase “rampaging monkeys” would sound ridiculous. And pretty amazing. In 2020, the appropriate response to hearing that would be, “And?”

Back in March, it happened in Thailand’s historic city of Lopburi after the coronavirus lockdown began to take its toll.

AP

These monkeys gathered in March 2019 in Lopburi in central Thailand. A year later, either they (or their uncles) brawled in the streets.

As Reuters put it, “a turf war between dozens of street monkeys and temple monkeys broke out. … The furry fracas likely resulted from a sharp dip in tourism to the 800-year-old city — and thus a dip in free food offerings to thousands of local monkeys.”

It was like an episode of “Maury” broke out in the streets.

The Tiger King

Does this really need further explanation? If you don’t already know about Joe Exotic, Carole Baskin and the incredibly uncomfortable Netflix doc, then you likely don’t even know it’s 2020.

AP

Joseph Maldonado-Passage, also known as Joe Exotic, at his zoo in Wynnewood, Okla., in August 2013.

Two specific things made this even more gruesome. 1.) That it was as popular as it was. 2.) Carole Baskin went on to appear on “Dancing With the Stars.”

Seriously!

Murder hornets

The buzzing creatures that turned up in Washington state and Canada were “like something out of a monster cartoon with this huge yellow-orange face,” Susan Cobey, bee breeder with Washington State University’s Department of Entomology, told WSU Insider.

According to the Washington State Department of Agriculture, the Asian giant hornets attack and destroy honeybee hives — killing the occupants by decapitating them. They then take the brood to feed their young. You can’t make this stuff up!

AP

The Asian giant hornet (this one’s dead) were found in Washington state and is deadly to honeybees.

While scientists say the hornets generally don’t attack people or pets, they can attack if threatened.

As if that wasn’t 2020 enough for you, just keep in mind the murder hornets are now said to be in their “slaughter phase.” (Again, not making that up.)

Mystery Seeds

Sometime around July, 2020 struck again with residents finding seed packets arriving in the mail. What were they? Should they plant them? Eat them? Treat them as pets?

And who’s sending these “seeds”? For what purpose?

Patrick Varine | Tribune-Review

USDA officials discovered the “mystery seeds” were actually varieties of plants and herbs.

Turned out, it wasn’t an invasion-of-the-body-snatchers moment. It was just 14 varieties of plants and herbs — like mint, rosemary and sage, according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture. Federal officials advised receivers not to plant them. Still … smh.

Quibi

Remember Quibi? The short-form streaming platform for mobile devices?

Yeah, neither do most folks. So, 2020.

Hey remember when we were all literally locked in our homes with nothing to do and still nobody downloaded Quibi?

— Alan Denton (@AlanTheWriter) April 15, 2020

The worst part? This year still has another couple months to crush what little is left of our dreams.

Can we all agree to collectively cry “Uncle?”

Please, Charlie Brown?